“For When It Hurts To Breathe”
I wrote & directed this short film in November of 2023. “For When it Hurts to Breathe” is about my relationship with anxiety, and how it influences my day-to-day life. If you’re interested in watching it, you can click the image below — I’d really appreciate it if you did.
The film itself is the focal point here, but now, a few months removed, I thought it would be fun to host the film on my website, and add a little snippet of director’s commentary to it. The following is a short journal entry I wrote right after completing production for the film.
Thank you for reading it, and thank you for being here.
“The film is just about done, and today I will do a quick interview talking about my intentions with the film. I think I’ve finally landed on the title — “For When It Hurts to Breathe.” I can’t tell if it’s too melodramatic, but even if it is, I don’t think I care. This is the first title that feels good, and honest, and resonates with me. So, I think that makes it the title.
As per the title, the first theme of this short film is anxiety. The long, slow opening is meant to bring the viewer in to what I often feel like at work, which is why we staged a production for that scene. There have been many exact instances like that on a number of different sets for me, so it felt like an appropriate way to open the film.
Taking the director’s chair is the first subtle hint of both leadership and doubt. That’s the second theme of the film — imposter syndrome. I wanted to explore this as well, however subtly, because my anxiety is intrinsically intertwined with my confidence.
My hesitant suggestion of “doing something different” is the introduction to the third and main theme of this short film. I don’t have a neat and succinct name for it, but essentially, I wanted to explore the idea of creation as salvation. “Artist” has been my identity for the better part of the last 15 years, and I’ve always used art (whatever medium it might be) to express the exact feelings that I’m feeling. It often helps me process them, but it doesn’t quite bring me comfort. And that’s where the peaceful second act of the film comes in.
Anxiety is not something to be solved once and shelved forever. It’s an ongoing struggle; one that has great days and also terrible days. And I’ve come to peace with that.”